Dear MOTIVATION: I am a Dad who loves and wants the best for my daughter. She just turned 17 years old and has become unruly at times in her behavior, to include, demands for increased privacy and freedom to come and go as she pleases.

My daughter thus far has been a good child with goals, promise and dreams. She consistently brings home good grades from school and does not smoke, drink alcohol, or use drugs. Now that she is an older teen, she wants to hang out with her friends on the weekends, start dating, and do her household chores and school work when she feels ready to do them. Along with all of the things I’ve mentioned, she has become a little mouthy at times and borderline disrespectful in her behavior, which is never acceptable and will always be firmly addressed by me.

My father did well raising my siblings and me through a ‘Tough Love’ parenting style. At times his firmness and discipline weren’t fun or liked by his children, but it worked. I’ve elected to parent my daughter, only child, with a similar ‘Tough Love’ parenting style without the use of physical discipline. With my daughter, her chores must be done promptly, privacy and freedoms earned, we attend church on Sundays, and the maintaining of good grades and participation in school is a must. Also, dressing and speaking with self-respect is expected. The exploration of dating happens on my terms and respecting your parents, elders, and others is a permanent part of our value-system.

Am I being too strict? My daughter has a lot going for herself and deserves the best. Any suggestions? — TOUGH LOVE DAD IN BALTIMORE, MARYLAND

DEAR TOUGH LOVE DAD: I do have one. You are acting like a parent who refuses to shrink in your responsibilities to your daughter. At the same time, older teenagers should be allowed the opportunity to grow and become independent in positive and healthy ways. You call it ‘Tough Love,’ while most teenagers would call it unbearable strict parenting.

I can see why your tightening on the reins of discipline was not well-received by your daughter. She’s growing into a young adult woman, and you still see her as ‘Daddy’s Little Girl’ with goals, promise, and dreams. As parents, we all want and expect the best for our children. Your daughter wants your trust, love, and support, and as a parent, you want her behavior to remain respectful and acceptable to receive what she wants from you without confrontation. See the tug of war here? As your daughter gets older, you have to loosen the reins more and more. Let her go and allow her to grow. Loosening the controls does not mean in any way you should ignore or tolerate disrespectful or unhealthy behavior from your daughter.

Here’s how I’d handle it: The next time your daughter has an outburst and begins displaying reckless behavior, calmly bring her to the dining room table for a sit-down discussion on what’s honestly going on with her emotionally. Listen carefully without interruption or anger. Allow your daughter to talk freely and respectfully. If she tells you honestly what’s going on and the two of you can make adjustments for the betterment of your relationship — great. If she chooses to be stubborn or rude with you, you may have to bring in a third-party neutral, capable, and supportive adult to mediate. Allow some slack on your controlling behavior, add a few more adjustments to your ‘Tough Love’ parenting style.